Scenario

1- They set up a hypothetical scenario.
2- They squeeze the facts in order to fit the scenario.
3- They interpret any following action according to the scenario.
4- They predict the future actions that will validate the scenario.
5- Now they believe that the scenario is the only god-made reality.

Words

Why do we fear words
When among them are words like unseen bells,
Whose echo announces in our troubled lives
The coming of a period of enchanted dawn,
Drenched in love, and life?
So why do we fear words?

We took pleasure in silence.
We became still, fearing the secret might part our lips.
We thought that in words laid an unseen ghoul,
Crouching, hidden by the letters from the ear of time.
We shackled the thirsty letters,
We forbade them to spread the night for us
As a cushion, dripping with music, dreams
And warm cups.

Nazik Almalaika
Translated by Rebecca Carol Johnson

The farthest my memory could go…

A foggy scene where I sat on huge stairs. A black lady was sitting next to me. We were talking or playing.

When I asked my parents about it, it turned out that I was less than 4 years old and we were in a sea resort. The lady was my nanny. She was, according to what they said, my closest and dearest person at that age. It is strange that that was the only memory I had of her.

Nostalgia

I miss receiving a personal letter by mail. Or a postcard (no envelope) of some landmark in a foreign city sent by a friend with few words about his impressions and best wishes.

....

Green Roof

Flash memory...

At those days, a carpenter would go to a client's house for one or two weeks to do a job.
We had a carpenter doing some business at our home. He worked in a separate room on the roof of the house. "A" was dark, bald, fifty something and a smoker with brownish teeth. His unbuttoned working shirt and his trousers were always stained with spots of paint and wood glue. I used to stay with him from the morning until late afternoon watching him work. It must have been summer.
We developed a friendship (or what a 7 or 8 years old kid would qualify as a friendship). He once built a small wooden house and painted the roof in a bright green color and gave it to me as a present.
One day A had a fight with my father. I do not remember the reason but it was something related to the job he was doing. He left that day and never came back. He even left his tools case. And the cupboard, he was making, remained unfinished. I kept the green roof house in my room. It was slightly bigger than a shoes box. Later I used to put tiny toys inside so the house would feel like a real home.

Dream

I ran into this old friend of mine while he was jogging, in full dress, in a park. I haven't contacted him for many years and I was surprised to find him here since he lives in the States. He looked much more youthful than he was supposed to look and his head was full of hair. He did not recognize me at the beginning and when he did, he did not seem surprised. He was smiley and joyful. When I asked him about the reason he left New York. He answered something about the huge salary he gets here.

Homeless

It is getting serious now it seems. Two policemen rang my bell few days ago saying that neighbors complained about my dog being free in the street scaring their kids. They added that the dog caused disturbance by barking all night. I told them what I have told the neighbors before that the dog was not mine per se. I found him homeless and in a miserable condition. I started to give him food, and since the gate of my house was not closed all the time, he used to go in and out freely. It was the neighbors' kids who used to throw stones at him and if they just let him alone he wouldn't bark or make noise. The policemen did not seem convinced and gave me two options, either I took full responsibility of the dog not letting him unleashed out in the street or they would order the relevant authority to take him away (and I guess this meant putting him down).

Now I am in a dilemma. I have no time to fully adopt him and I can not just let him be taken and killed.

The one and only SPCA-like entity here does not accept homeless pets anymore. It already has enough. And the vets are full of ads of dogs seeking adoptive families. On top of all, the society here is not very friendly to pets in general and dogs in particular. I don't know what should I do.

Sometimes

I watched a movie on TV yesterday about someone whose life was a constant fight to attain his goals. After the end I wondered for the zillionth time if I was the fighting spirit sort of person. I really do not know, but I do ont think that I am the person who would be persistent in achieving goals, or the one who would stumble many times but has the energy and courage to stand up every time and try once again. It is strange that we do not know sometimes what we are capable or incapable of, even when it comes to a basic trait of character. When I look back at my life I find that my objectives were rather acheivable. Or maybe I did not seek, in the first place, very difficult challenges. So the answer to the question is still hanging in the air. Sometimes I wish I knew the answer, and sometimes I just enjoy the luxury of not needing to know the answer.

One minute

It is a crazy day, but just to find one minute amid all the hustle to talk to myself (through this blog)is a bit relaxing.

Sweet and Sour

Someone I know is very nice to me and very nasty with the others. How should I feel about him? The two facts (being nice and nasty at the same time) make it difficult for me to set a clear picture of him in my mind. I can't overlook what I see, and I can't neutralize my feelings. He might have his reasons for being such a sweet and sour person but these reasons, in both cases, are beyond my understanding.

Maybe someday he will change the way he treats others or probably the way he treats me. I will see.

Dreams

• I was running to nowhere holding between my arms the newly born baby girl of my colleague. I felt happy though. The girl was prettier than how she really is.

• I was sitting somewhere outdoor. A lot of mosquitoes were coming and going around. I was irritated and felt uncomfortable. A cloud of helplessness was there somewhere.

• I was visiting my close friend at his home. It was different from the home I know. He and his wife were proudly showing me the design and furniture. I did not like the tacky taste but I was too polite to express my view. Then I realized that their kids were there in the same room but I forgot to greet them. I said to myself that it was embarrassing too to forget to shake hands with the kids. While showing me the house I found that some decorations and furniture were made of cartoon. I said to myself how strange that was, but I had to pay a compliment saying that cartoon was more practical.