21 January 2013

Like...

Like a child who nodded his head several times while sitting on the couch, yet stubbornly refused to go to bed and insisted he was not feeling sleepy,
Like a love with date stamp,
Like the wild storming oceans of longing I feel for my mother,
Like the love-hate feeling I carry for my country,
Like the first comforting moment I let myself go in the morning,
Like the many nostalgic moments I have for my old memories.
Like the regret for missed opportunities, lost chances and wasted times,
Like mistaking a casual feeling for a deep love,
Like bestowing every good quality on someone who was never been seriously known,
Like losing a good friend for no reason.. for no valid reason,
Like wanting to cry when nobody watches, but still something in the head says men should not cry,
Like eating a big delicious mango with hands in a restaurant without minding who might look or sneer,
Like falling in love with the character of "Julia" and Vanessa Redgrave's unmatchable performance.
Like feeling young when one is definitely not,
Like doubting the religion but still practicing,
Like reading a poem, and an amazingly beautiful verse makes one whoop, stop reading, close the book, and stay motionless for few minutes.
Like meeting an old love and wondering how blind we sometimes were,
Like a son who copies his father's actions and reactions which he had deemed, in a younger age, negative,
Like having a volcano of emotions, but being unable to express them,
Like being so mesmerized by blue eyes that keeping the eye contact seems impossible,
Like always wondering if the others find my character colorless,
Like saying to myself "Please God do not let her die"  when Ada jumped into the water in "The Piano",
Like remembering the termites that ate the newly born baby in Hundred Years of Solitude whenever I see termites' nest,
Like the joy I feel when I see snow-capped mountains,
Like seeing lights coming from windows in faraway houses and wondering who might be inside the rooms and what do they do and talk about,
Like...
Like...

09 January 2013

......



The riddle we can guess
We speedily despise - -
Not anything is stale so long
As yesterday's surprise- -

Emily Dickinson

08 January 2013

Last Month of Last Year


First week: Searching for a Christmas tree in the fascinating and suffocating streets of Chinatown.

Second week: Finalizing the necessary preparations to receive an old friend who came from far away to spend the holidays with me.

Third week: I found a hand-written message left for me at work that said "Mr. ****** called you from ****** and left this telephone number****-**********". I knew  someone with that name more than 20 years ago. He was an old friend and life drifted us apart. I called back and it was him. I was curious how he could get my number but did not like to ask the question because I thought it might sound a bit rude. We had a warm conversation and exchanged our latest news. At the end he answered the unasked question. It turned out that a strange coincidence led him to read a copy of a work-related letter that mentioned my name. This letter was, funnily enough, posted by someone by mistake in a discussion group in Facebook! Very amusing.

Fourth week: I re-read an old post written in this blog in early 2012 under the title "2012, love me please" and I thought as much as I was loved in 2012, some of my close family and friends were hated. My country also suffered a lot and witnessed depressing setbacks. What should I wish then for 2013? A happier year for those who suffered in 2012? A less dim future for a country that burns everyday the bridges to its beautiful past? Another loving 2013? Many wishes, but very small is that "perch in the soul".