No Specific Reason

* If I may sum up my 2013 in a word, I would just say with all simplicity it was dramatic.

* "Cuffs of a new pair of socks got loose after the second wash, should I return the socks back to the shop"? I volunteered to answer "definitely".

* Few days ago, I was riding a car with a friend and smelled something like pizza. I said nothing to her, but remembered years ago I had to pick up a colleague in the evening to go together to a meeting. The moment he got into the car he said "There is a strange smell, have been eating something"? I immediately said "No". I hoped he wouldn't notice the used tissues back on the floor, and thought it might not be classy to add "I was rather feeding". 

* Do those who are not careful enough with what they say in social media completely loose their mind? A post, I recently read, written by a colleague came as a total shock. Even in a closed FB group, we, well I mean I, expect the minimum self-censorship. The "slips" usually come from those who are the most addicted to social networking. Amid the 24 hours frenzy, no doubt that stupidest and most immature moments would lie somehow in plain sight. 

* These weeks I became the sole guardian of a couple. Mr. Newfoundland and Mrs. Golden Retriever. He is obedient and she is rebellious, and I am struggling to be up to the role of the good caretaker.

* Sometimes, very small and insignificant flashes make me touched. I was having lunch in a chain restaurant few weeks ago. I was sitting in the second floor looking at the families and couples dinning in the first floor.

I like to observe the behavior of the others whenever I have the opportunity. A table of ten people drew my attention. 8 of them were boys and girls of around 12 years old, and the two adults looked like teachers or coaches. The youngsters were wearing training suits and looked like coming from faraway countryside. I guessed they either belonged to an orphanage or a sports team. They behaved very well and were very shy and silent as if it was their first time in a restaurant in the big city. I looked at them and felt sort of happiness and compassion like I wanted to hug them for no specific reason. No drama here. I was just touched...for no reason.

* And now, what about 2014? Health and happiness for those whom I care about, and stability where instability reigns are all what I wish. They look simple wishes, but....

Doors

In 2011 and 2012 I lost two close friends. The loss was a decision taken, solely or partially, by me.

After a minor trigger in 2012, I decided I was not able to put up with an old friend's actions and attitudes. All his drama, moral pressure and negative energy took a toll on me. In return, I was not “allowed” to have my down moments. He has always been a heavy baggage, but at a certain moment, even after twenty years, we have the right to say enough is enough. I took the decision with no regret despite the long time we have known each other and the different situations we went through together. I do not hold a grudge against him and I wish him the best. Simply, I cannot bear the pressure of his friendship, as I see it, on my shoulders anymore.

It was different with the other friend. Has the friendship just faded? Maybe. What I know is that this friend, who was very close, became really aloof within a short period of time. When I inquired if I did anything wrong, he said he was just passing through a phase of his life where many matters became unclear and uncertain. I tried to give him the support I could give in a long distance friendship, but there was something basic missing in the person I thought I knew very well. I felt as if our friendship, among maybe other relationships and ideas of his, was under scrutiny and he was reassessing its value.

My country witnessed then an unstable political period where insecurity prevailed and hundreds of citizens fell dead, but my friend never called or sent a message to see even if I was still alive. Few months later, I found a one line e-mail asking if I was ok. I replied I was doing fine and added, in a friendly tone, that I had expected a much earlier message. He said he tried to call but there was no answer. I asked myself why I haven’t found any missed calls from him. Or any missed calls with the code of his country of residence? Why even an e-mail was not sent in the right time when the turmoil and danger were at their peak? These questions rolled around in my head, but were never addressed loudly to him. I did not reply his last message and he never contacted me again. For a reason or for no reason the friendship went to its death bed. As if there was an undeclared pact but signed by both of us to end it. Two years passed. I feel sorry. I feel really sorry because he meant a lot to me.

Were these two friendships real? Yes they were.

Do the reasons of the break-up seem valid? I do not know.

Did any of my friendships in the past take the same path? No.

Doors close, others open and life goes on.

Dinner With Non-Friends

It was the sort of dinner where one had to sit with strangers at the same table for two hours and show some respect. We were eight with nothing in common. Two options were available. Either to remain silent or to mobilize one's skills to conduct a decent conversation. 

A married couple. The gray-haired husband came across as a dignified person, and she looked like young Fanny Ardant. Natural fuzzy look, thin body and lovely spontaneous attitudes that would hide, as I imagine, a volcano of emotions. In an imaginary film, she would madly fall in love with a young  bohemian man and leave everything behind her.

A late fifties man from an evil country. Well, a country with an evil leader is more accurate though. An impossible and hypothetical question would have been "How do you feel about your leader?" or "Are children really die from hunger over there?". But who am I to ask.

A lady who kept adjusting her wig every now and then. She was not fixing messed up hair, no, she was adjusting the whole wig on her head... in case nobody noticed she was wearing a wig.

A man who extended bridges of communication every where. His tools? Several foreign languages he mastered and a fatherly look in his eyes.

Someone was far there at the end of the table. Our eyes never met. He engaged in a non-stop conversation with the dignified husband.

A red-haired smiled, and I smiled back. A possible interesting conversation floated in the air, but she was a bit far, and with the loud music it was not feasible to try.

A silent man who maybe was thinking of writing up his thoughts on the dinner in his blog.

Harvest of the Week

* I met someone who was detained in a famous hostage crisis that took place in the 90s of last century. He was lucky enough to be in the first wave of hostages who were freed after few days. Many others were released few months later. It was interesting to hear a firsthand testimony depicting how feelings of shock, rage, defiance and despair were experienced. According to him, what remained distinctively in his memory were the unexpected reactions of many hostages whom he has already known as friends or acquaintances. Those who thought to be big and strong collapsed. Others expected to be calm and confident became hysterical. And some frail-looking ones surprisingly composed themselves. The contrast between what was perceived and what was proved in his days of detention overshadowed the other feelings he harbored in that difficult experience.

* I was waiting for my companions to finish their grocery shopping in Mercado Municipal de Magdalena when a blind girl wearing the traditional dress and selling candies on the sidewalk caught my eyes. She looked quite poor. Every passerby tried to give her money without taking candies in return, as a gesture of help or compassion, was firmly turned down.  There are many very kind and dignified persons but they might not be visible in the fog that shrouds everything, and small beautiful acts like that touch me and restore the lost faith. I just wanted to tell her "Thank You".