Sigh

In the past I always thought if someday my mother passed away, I would regularly visit her grave and talk to her. I could not imagine, at the time, I would be able to stay weeks, not to say months or years, without talking to her even if it was a one way conversation. My mother had gone for few years now and my visits to her grave got less and less. It is not only because I live abroad but even when I go back home, I do not visit her. And the idea of talking to her now seems to me odd.

I used to dream of her a lot in the first year after she left, and some of these dreams were so vivid that I waked up emotionally satisfied that I saw her and she seemed fine. No dreams anymore.

I immensely miss her and miss what she represented in my life but I am aware now, after 8 years of her absence, that she is and will forever be far far away. All what remain are a blurry smiling face, faded warmth of a hug and increasing acceptance of the loss.